One of the most helpful things I heard in the midst of my father’s death was, “You never get over it…but you do get through it.”
The simplicity and the depth of that statement are just so true.
In the days following his passing I had people checking on me, popping in to say “hi” and some amazing friends who dropped dinner by so I didn’t have to handle all of the stuff I do on a day-to-day basis. I’m very grateful for those people, they helped so much. After a few days, though, it stopped. By the two-week mark nobody mentioned it, nobody asked how I was doing. Six weeks after his death was when I had to go to NY to finalize everything and I had a few people say they were thinking of me, praying for me, but nobody really asked how I was doing with it.
It’s been three months and now it’s hitting me. I cry almost daily. I try to talk about how I’m feeling and I get a simple, “I’m sorry,” or a, “That sucks” response. There’s a triggering milestone coming up, for lack of a better word, and I’m starting to feel some unrest about it. On November 1st, a Friday, I was chaperoning a field trip for my daughter’s class and my dad was texting me a bunch. I had to tell him to stop for a bit, that I wasn’t ignoring him but I was trying to pay attention to my daughter and her peers. That was the last time he willingly texted me and then he was gone by Monday.
On March 6, a Friday, I’m chaperoning a field trip for my daughter’s class. I know those thoughts, that guilt, is going to pop into my head. I don’t feel like I have anybody to talk to about it. Everybody has their own lives to deal with and it seems like those I’m closest to have their own large struggles, mine pales in comparison because it’s in the past.
I feel selfish for feeling abandoned, but at the same time I feel abandoned in my grief.
If you know anybody who is grieving, who had a loss within the past few months, check on them. Make sure they are okay. Don’t believe them if they aren’t, but silently let them know you know they aren’t. Pray for them. Love them. If they open up please just listen.
xo.
yogacupsandcoffeepants 