Hey hey hey! I was told not to do a post like this because it’s so controversial and it would immediately turn people away from wanting to read my blog at all and make them hate me. Extreme much? As much as I appreciate you reading my blog, I do it for me so if you don’t like this one I’m sorry, but feel free to skip it 🙂
I’m going to talk about “bad moms.” In mommy world it seems like this giant battle where we’re all against each other instead of trying to help each other. Silly me…I always thought it was the latter. I quickly found out that I was doing things wrong from the start. I mentioned in another post that I delivered in a military hospital, so all of my prenatal care was done in the same setting. I didn’t do any prenatal classes (like Lamaze) or anything, I just read a lot of books, because the closest base I could do them at was 90 minutes away. Strike one. Then, I was induced instead of going into labor naturally. Strike two. That one, though, they kept insisting I had gestational diabetes even though I passed all of my blood tests (I even had a diabetic kit that I used to test at home and still passed! Except that one time I binged on ice cream and pretzels…), but they kept telling me my baby was pushing nine pounds and if I went the full 40 weeks she’d absolutely be over ten. So they induced me at 39 weeks and 1 day. My baby was born at 7 lbs. 10 oz. Anyway..that was strike two. Then after 27 hours of labor – yes, 27 HOURS OF LABOR with two epidurals that DID NOT WORK, I had an emergency c-section. It doesn’t matter that both my and my daughter’s BPs were dropping and I was starting to black out, the fact that I had a c-section at all is strike three. So, by the time my daughter was born I already had three strikes against me!
Lets not forget that I used formula (in my defense I tried breast feeding, and after three months was still only producing an ounce each time – which my daughter did get, turns out my prolactin levels were all sorts of messed up), I co-slept, I did baby-wearing, attachment parenting, I used jarred food, I do not like (actually, I HATE) the cry-it-out method (oh, excuse me, that’s called “ferberizing”), I use disposable diapers. So that’s more strikes against me.
I find it funny that I actually felt the need to defend myself for having used formula. That’s what other moms do to you!!!!
I remember one time I was returning a ton of breastfeeding stuff to Babies R Us, all of it was unopened and I had the receipts for it, but the cashier looked at me then at my daughter and went on to tell me, “You know..breast is best. It’s much healthier for babies. It makes them live longer.” I was so taken aback and upset about her comment that I made up a terrible lie to make her feel even guiltier about why I was returning this stuff. I think my awful lie is excusable since she just butted into my business like it was hers. Another time I was at Food Lion buying groceries and a lady commented on the shape of C’s head, “Oh surely she was a c-section baby..her head is just so round!” What in the world makes people think they can talk to you about this stuff?! I looked at her and responded with, “Well actually, after about 18 hours of labor she descended, ready to come out, but got stuck because she twisted her body. The lightening crotch I experienced during pregnancy was nothing compared to feeling a human get stuck in the birth canal! Since she was stuck for so long she had this horrible cone head, but the doctors were able to help mold it to the correct shape.” She turned so white. But really, if she wanted to get in my business I’d share the juicy details that even I don’t like thinking about just to make her uncomfortable. I know…mature.
I’m a SAHM, too, so that’s another strike. However, if I was a working mom that’d be a strike so there’s really no winning on that topic. I tried to join a few mom groups in the area because I really didn’t have any friends here (I don’t know if I mentioned it before but we moved to Virginia for my husband’s duty station so I didn’t know many, hardly any, people here) and I wanted to be able to socialize C as well as myself. Well I tried one that was a walking group through a historical part of town – I figured moms, exercise, scenery..it’d be great! No. It was not great. I was glared at because I didn’t have a jogging stroller and then they left me in the dust because apparently “walking group” means “steady jogging group” and I wasn’t even fully healed yet and I just don’t run. So after a few times doing that I just gave up. The moms didn’t even bother greeting me anymore when I showed up so it was clear I wasn’t welcome in their clique. Then I tried another group in the area and they walk around the mall on Fridays then let the kids play in the play area, so I figured that’d be a safe bet, right? No. The first one I went to they barely spoke to me gossiped amongst themselves. Whatever, I was new. The next week I came and they all were trash-talking another mom who wasn’t there and then looked at me and very dramatically said, “Oh, don’t think we’re always like this..but this woman!” and went on to talk more. Real classy, huh? The final straw was when I invited a fellow mom I had met a few weeks before so that I’d at least have somebody to talk to when I walked. This was frowned upon so much by the other moms and I was told, “That’s not allowed at all, you have to get permission to invite her!” so I said fuck it and we walked on our own, I never returned to another group with them again. I tried a third group and they required I join this site where I pay a membership fee (only $20 annually) and then I had to host two playgroups each month, including one weekend day, and they got together 2-3 times each week. I lived in a two bedroom apartment, there was no way I was hosting that much, especially on a weekend when it was my only time for my family to get together. So that didn’t work.
Now that my daughter is two I get criticized because she’s not baptized, I don’t think that we’re going to do a preschool (actually, I’m near certain that we just won’t), I still haven’t left her with anybody, I won’t pierce her ears until she asks me to and is old enough to clean them herself, I still don’t let her cry-it-out, we still co-sleep, I just do what works for her and for myself and, really, that’s all any mom should do.
Unless your child is in harm’s way, I don’t care how you parent. If you want to breastfeed in my living room, do it. If you want/need to work, go for it. I’ll offer to watch your child. If you need to vent about how long your child has been crying and you haven’t showered in three days and there’s dirty dishes in the sink and two-day-old laundry in the washer and you’re just so tired…go for it. I get it. I can relate. I am here for you.
We’re parents. We need to stick together. We need to help each other out. Who the hell cares how you’re parenting? If they don’t care for your child 24/7 then fuck their opinion. You do what works for you and for your family.
I will not judge you for how you parent. Unless you use your car seat wrong. In that case I’ll offer to help you fix it, give you ways on how to improve the situation, but if you don’t then you’re failing your child. Car seat safety is so important.
Other than that..you do you, boo. And have fun because being a parent is so amazing and so rewarding 🙂 ❤
Happy trails, parents.